DONT LICK ME!!!

One of the funniest phrases in the Japanese insult dictionary is "Namenna-yo!" （なめんなよ！）, which literally means "Don't lick me!" but idiomatically means "Don't f*** with me!"

There are several disrespectful ways to say this very usable phrase when you're dancing with some hot Japanese chick and her boyfriend comes up to you and says "Nani wo shiyagaru, kora!" (何をしやがる、こら！） or "What the f*** do you think you're doing!"

There is the aforementioned: Namennayo! (7/10 on the strong scale)
Or: Namennjaneeyo! (8/10)
Or: Nametennayo! (7/10)
OR: Nemennayo, bukkorosuzo! (11/10) "I'll beat you to death!" was added.

This gave birth in the 1980's to a breed of cat - usually photographed in Bosozoku or high school bancho gear, called the Namennaneko (Don't f*** with me cat). Quite the opposite image of Hello Kitty.

Dating tips in Japanese

Most Japanese girls are really shy about foreigner guys, so it might be really hard to break the ice. But there are some trusted phrases that will help you get on that baseball diamond without striking out.

So, you're at a bar and want to meet a girl - what do you say?

Attention getters
Sumimasen... (excuse me...)

Chotto ii desu ka... (can i talk to you...)

Ano ne... (um...)

Help a girl out
Atarashi dorinku katte agete mo ii desu ka... (can i buy you a new drink)

Baru no mukou kara kimi wo mitte, kawaii naa to omotte sa... (I saw you from across the bar and thought you were really cute)

Kimi no ______ ga utsukushii to omotte sa...(I thought your_____ was really cute....
eyes - me/nose-hana/face-kao/butt-oshiri/boobs-oppai/karada-body

Introductions
Boku ha _______ desu - My name is _________ (kinda humble and cute way)
Ore ha _______ desu - My name is _________ (kinda cool and tough way)
Wagahai ha ________ desu - My name is _________ (Soseki's cat's way)

How to win
Anata no denwa bango kiite mo ii desu ka? (Can I get your phone number?)

Itsu ka meshi tabe ni ikimashou. (Let's go out to eat together sometime)

Orenchi yotte kuretara, tada de eigo wo oshieru yo (If you come over to my place, i'll teach you english for free!)

How to lose
Futari desu ka? Ja, Chikaku no lovehou de sanpi shio! (Are you two girls out together? Lets go have a threesome at a love hotel close by!)

Kyokon desu yo! (I have a big youknowwhat!)

Ore yoku ero bideo wo haiken shimasu. (I watch a lot of porn [polite Japanese])

AEZ's submission:

Daijobu. Kao wa kankei naidesu. Karada ga mokuteki desukara.

It's ok, your looks mean nothing to me, it's your body I'm after.
More later.

Japanese for Beginners - Lesson ONE!

Hey everyone, since I'm in the middle of doing something productive - my master's thesis - let me do something completely unproductive like teach you Japanese!!!

Here are the first five syllables of Japanese (and you need to learn their sounds as they are the root vowels used in EVERY JAPANESE syllable following):

ALL LINES ARE WRITTEN FROM TOP TO BOTTOM OR FROM LEFT TO RIGHT


あ (ah) - draw the horizontal line, the vertical, then the curly one


い (ee) - draw the left line, then the right


う (oo) - draw the top line, then the backward "c"


え (eh) - same as う


お (oh) - draw horizontal line, then vertical into curly one, then little mark.

Say these words
いえ　- ee-eh - House
あい - ah-ee - Love
あう - ah-oo - to meet
あおい　- ah/oh/ee - (say each sound separate but fast) Blue
いう - ee/oo - to say
いい　- eee - good
おい　- oi! - Hey!

Practice speaking and writing these on your own time!!

Ways of saying "tired" in Japanese.

しんどい shindoi - Osaka way of saying tsukareta/kurushii
疲れた tsukareta - Tired (usually from work)
眠い nemui - sleepy (not from being tired)
苦しい　kurushii - tired because of an oppressive weight (heat, exhaustion)
死にそう shinisou - close to death
寝ぼけてる neboketeru - half-asleep

And me in 10 minutes:

熟睡 jukusui - deep sleep.

Kansai Talk

I sent an email recently to Trevor Corson (Sushi Concierge) about basashi (horse sushi) and such and he told me he had trouble with Kansaiben (Osaka area dialect). I'm not near my Japanese enabled computer right now, but I can certainly give some pointers into kansaiben using romanji.

First is verb endings:

Wakaranai (I dont understand) -> Wakarahen
Wakarimasu (I understand, polite) -> Wakarimasse~ (polite w/ emphasis)

Kyoto variety (-haru) - A lot of older women in the Kansai area have picked up the Kyoto dialect varient that is considered quite polite for that area

Wakatteru (I understand it) -> Wakkatteharu (polite Kyoto ben)

Kobe variety (-toru) This is more prevalent in the Kobe area and sounds a bit rude to my ears.

Wakatteru -> Wakattoru

Some common words:

Tokyo -> Osaka
Cho (very ) Meccha - and mecha is getting much more popular these days
~ja nai (not ~) ~ chau - also more popular recently
Honto ni (really) Homma (ni)

And then there is the change of sentence emphatic ending from ~jan to ~yan, along with other words.

Kyo ga cho atsui kara honto ni kurushi jan! (Tokyo for "It's so hot today I feel really tired!"
Kyo ga meccha atsuiyanka~ homma ni kurushiyanen! (Osaka)